THE FUTURE

have you ever wished you had a crystal ball? one you could look into and your future would be clear?
i think back to being a child. what if i had that crystal ball? would i do everything the same had i known where id be today? would i choose this life? if my future was shown to me as a child... would i "pick" this life? simple answer... yes.

i grew up in a broken home. my parents were "together"... but not "together". they shouldntve been. i spent my childhood trying to figure out myself... who i was, my reason for living. everyday a mask was worn to hide "ME". i didnt want the world to see who i was, i didnt even know who i was myself... all i did know was i didnt like "me".

i always hid my feelings. i always acted as if i was fine, when i wanted to scream. i wanted to run away from my life, myself, all the racing thoughts in my head. i kept that happy mask on to all my friends, familey... the world.
i was the "strong" one. the "sane" one. i wore that mask for as long as i could... now as a adult... i no longer can pretend.

i met my husband when i was 16. we were the greatest friends for a long time. out of that friendship, we relized there was something special there. i always "knew" he was the one for me. i loved his presence... he made me feel safe. for the first time in my life, my guard was down. i let my heart open up bigger than it ever had opened... i let him in. he always "got me". i always "got him". we got eachother.

my story is bittersweet. alot has happened... good, bad... down right devastating. in my 28yrs on this earth, i have experianced things i never couldve imagined.

i am going to share my story... piece by piece... i hope to gain strength and insight...
i hope to help others know they arent alone.

piece by piece... im going to mend the cracks in my crystal ball.