look at me

tell me what you see when you look at me,
do you see that old someone who is now empty?

i feel nothing i used to, nothings the same
a constant battle within, i struggle to remain.

where did i go, when will i be back?
as i try to stay strong, i long for the past.

i want to laugh the same laugh, cry the same cry,
i look at myself, someone please tell me why?

bitter, empty, angry, insane
truth is you are the one that has caused all this pain

im not good enough for you, your actions proved that
you dont care how i am, or if im alive
i act so much like i dont care
truth is, i have died.

i thought for a moment things might have changed
maybe you werent as bad as you seemed
maybe , just maybe...

suddenly it all made sense, and hit me like a ton of bricks,
i was never accepted or loved by you, i became your "friend"
you didnt have to care for me, you could now easily pretend.

i didnt make a mess, or come home late, i was no longer your child
a inconvience... a obligation.
you never wanted me... you never liked me... you never loved me.
i could not do right.

i want to forgive you, i want to move on,
but truthfully, all of the pain is to strong
i cant just pretend as easily as you,
i cant act as if nothing ever happened, that what hurts wasnt caused by you.

something ive relized, is i hurt myself to get back at you
if you couldnt love me, why should i?
if you couldnt accept me, of course i wont
but i dont want to live like this, i dont want to ache.

i dont want anything from you, a apology would be nice,
tho i couldnt accept it, it wouldnt come from the heart,
youll never admit all you have done,
youll make up excuses, youll say im the one.

ill tell you one thing, i wont let you in,
ill never trust you again,
my heart will never win.

it tells me forgive, move on
it tells me i might regret this long after youre gone.

my mind knows better, it tells me beware
dont let him back in, he'll hurt you again.
youll think its all done... youll move on,
but once you dissapoint... it all will be gone.

so tell me, what do you see?
do you see my insides... do you see im empty?
of course you dont, it would mean you care...
you are a stranger to me....

ADDICTED

its like youre a drug, its like youre a demon i cant face down
its like im stuck, its like im running from you all the time, and i know i let you have all the power, its like the only company i seek is misery all around.

its like youre a leach, sucking the life from me, its like i cant breathe, without you inside of me, and i know i let you have all the power, and i relize im never gonna quit you over time.

its like i cant breathe, its like i cant see anything, nothing but you, im addicted to you, its like i cant think without you interrupting me, in my thoughts, in my dreams, youve taken over me.

its like im not me.... its like im not me....

its like im lost, its like im giving up slowley,
its like youre a ghost thats haunting me, leave me alone....
and i know these voices in my head are mine alone, and i know ill never change my ways if i dont give you up now.

im hooked on you, i need a fix... i cant take it, just one more hit, i promise i can deal with it.
ill handle it, quit it... just one more time then thats it....
just a little bit more to help get me through this.

its like i cant breathe, its like i cant see anything, nothing but you, im addicted to you, its like i cant think, without you interrupting me, in my thoughts, in my dreams, youve taken over me.

its like im not me.... its like im not me....