jell-o, bread, and... jell-o

ok so... its been a week since ive puked ANY food. well let me tell ya exactly how im feeling.....
1. proud
2. extreme anxiety ANY time food passes my lips, therefore my diet consists of lite 100% whole wheat bread, and jell-o. yep... fucking jell-o.
3. missing my "vice", but also glad ive made it this long.
4. tired... maybe cuz all im eating really is JELL-O!!! christ!
5. did i say anxious
well... theres some of the feelings ive had. this has proven to be one of the absolute hardest things ive ever fucking done and its only been a week! i dont think ill ever loose the urge completly. i think ill always struggle with the WANT, but im hoping to at least conquer this part of my eating disorder. all the other weird , crazy, obsessive food bullshit... well i can live with that i think. ive lost 2 lbs... cant say im dissapointed, but cant say i want to loose weight either, but thats what happens when your living on mother fucken jell-o! i really like jell-o... its yummy, comes in many different flavors... cold, refreshing.... mmmm, BUT i cant say a jell-o and bread diet is satisfying... its not. as of now, i cant really eat because of anxiety. i knew this would happen. i knew that my restricting food disorder would be in full effect... but for how long i wonder???? will i ever loose anxiety about food???? hmmm, just gotta wait and see. for now, ill enjoy my jell-o and imagine its a huge plate of aussie cheese fries from outback steakhouse!!! YES!!! :)