hmmmmm

so here i am.. thinking.. actually ive BEEN thinking, how on earth can i get my life back? how can i be who i was? my relationships with ppl have suffered greatly do to my disorder, i cant do a thing without it being there. so im just hoping that somehow ill gain the strength i desperatly need.

something that i wonder is would i be able to stop if i just learned how to feel again? could i then... i dont wana die... mainly, i just am sick of being consumed.

so this month ive lost 6 lbs. hmmmm, think id be happy... nope. i just want more. the more i loose the more i wanna loose. its a NO WIN situation. i want my control back. ill get it. ill do whatever, i mean WHATEVER it takes. its gonna be hard, but fuck.. im a strong person. i can do this.. i hope